Most people don't start worrying about libido because they woke up curious about desire. They start worrying because something feels different than it used to.

That's usually the moment the fixing begins. More effort. More supplements. More trying to "get in the mood." And if none of that worked, you may have quietly concluded something is wrong with you.

Here's a different starting point: your libido isn't a problem to solve. It's information.

Libido is connected to four areas of your life that rarely get blamed when desire feels off: your body, your mind, your relationship, and your context. Notice how few of these are actually about sex. If you've been trying to fix your libido directly, without ever looking at these four areas, you've likely been solving the wrong problem.

It also helps to know desire doesn't only arrive one way. Spontaneous desire is the version most often called "normal." But responsive desire (arriving in response to touch, connection, or context) is extremely common, especially in long-term relationships, and it isn't a sign anything's wrong. Neither is contextual desire, which depends on timing, safety, and environment.

If you've spent years waiting to feel spontaneous desire and mostly experience the other two instead, that doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means you've been measuring yourself against the wrong yardstick.

Read the full post on The Journal: here​